Saturday, September 15, 2007


The bruises all over his body were a road map of agony, poignantly showing the path of the last three days. Three long, painful days...

"So let me get this straight?" Ravyn asked quietly.

"Yeah?" Lethane answered impatiently.

"So you released me."


"And then spent days beating the hell out of me."

"Yeah," Lethane grinned wickedly.

"And cutting me up like a Christmas ham."

"Heh. Yeah."

"And now... now..."

"Yeah?" The elven madman's blue-black eyebrows peaked in curiosity.

"You take me out for a beer?"

"Oh yeah!" Lethane raised his thick glass mug in a mock salute.

This was all putting Ravyn way outside his comfort level. He just stared at the elf over his own drink. "You really are completely insane, aren't you?"

Leth just grinned viciously. "That's what my shrink said while she could still talk." Then he threw his head back and chugged down the full beer with all the skill of a raging Viking warrior in a grand mead hall. Smashing down the mug on the hardwood table hard enough to shatter it, he let forth a trumpeting belch like the roar of an angry Thunder God.

Unfortunately, they were not in a mead hall. What they were in was a small tavern on the east side of Cap au Diable. Ravyn really had no clue about this place but given his limited knowledge of the Rogue Isles and its cities, that didn't mean much.

All he knew about this place was its patrons. Its normal, mundane looking patrons and the sheer look of shock and surprise on their faces. They were obviously not used to people like Lethane and the reverberating sound of a hypersonic belch making all the glass in the establishment vibrate dangerously around them.

"Lethane... where are we?"

The bastard hadn't even stopped grinning. "A bar." Then, condescendingly, "That's why they serve drinks here. You know... al-CO-hol."

Ravyn narrowed his eyes and sat back, grabbing his mug and downing it every bit as fast as Leth did. Instead of shattering it on the return, he put it back on its coaster exactly where it had been before. Staring back at Lethane, the challenge was clear.

"Oh, you are not serious."

Ravyn raised his voice, smiling slightly to the passing server as he asked for another round of beers. He wasn't sure what brand this was but it tasted pretty good. He wasn't a fan of most beer but this one was thick and rich like an Irish Guinnet or a cream lager. These he could drink, enough to wipe the floor with this grinning fool, anyway...

The waitress came back and put down three beers on either side. "I can see where this is headed, sugar," she told Ravyn with a playful smile. "So I brought you extras. Just try to leave the mugs intact, okay?"

Lethane leered at her and swatted her nice and hard on her skirted ass as she headed back to the bar. "No promises!" Then he turned back to Ravyn and grabbed the first mug. "You ready to lose in a whole new way, freak?"

Ravyn put on his game face and lifted his beer. "Funny. I was about to say the same thing."


The room was spinning. If it wasn't for the solidity of someone leaning against his back, Ravyn would probably have fallen over. In a way, that was hilarious. Everything was hilarious. Pretty lights...

Lots of pretty lights...

"You... ready... give up.... yet... Duck?" Leth sounds funny so he laughed. Funny Leth. Funny, funny killer man.

He tried to say "Heck no" but he was pretty sure it didn't come out right. Still, he wasn't gonna give up. No damn way. He was still conscious... probably... so he was still gonna fight. There was no chance he was going to surrender. At this moment, he couldn't spell surrender but he wasn't gonna do it. Not to Leth.

No. Damn. WHEEE!


Behind him, leaning against him hard, Lethane belched. His voice, muted and quiet for the first time tonight, came rumbling forth like a purring cat. "Whaa prollem?"

Ravyn frowned. He hoped he wasn't drooling a little too but there was no way to be sure. "I tink we is outta beer."

The floor shook. He figured that was because Leth just punched it. That or the Second Coming. Either way was good right now. The shuddering floor tiles made his butt feel funny so he laughed again.

"No way! I wann more beer! Dis ain't over!" Lethane sounded angry... so Ravyn laughed again. Funny killer man.

A shadow passed over them, a shadow sort of like a mountain and sort of like a man. It was a mountain man with big fists and no discernible neck. That was... awesome! Ravyn giggled again, pointing at the big brick of a bouncer. "It's No Neck the monster man!" He laughed so hard he almost made himself ill.

"Oh yes," came the stentorian voice above them. "They've had enough."

"No we ain't has had enuff!" Ravyn and Leth said in bizarre unison.

"Yes. You have." Two gigantic hands came down, grabbing each of them by their shoulders.

Leth growled, a sound that would have been a lot more threatening without all the hiccups. "Git yer hand off me, pansy *hic*"

The massive shadow called down over them with his gravelly voice, "You need to calm down. Sir." The bouncer's hands clamped down with the force of a train wreck and the constant strength of a steel vice.

"And *hic* you need ta go back *hic* to ballet class, man *hic* bitch!"

Without another word, the huge figure picked them both up, bashed them into each other until what little sense Ravyn and Lethane had left was beaten out of them and they slumped in his arms like ragdolls.

"I'll go dump these two idiots in the back room, Mic."

A voice across the room agreed. "Sounds good, Bry. Just don't hurt them too bad."

"Nah... I'll let their hangovers handle that for me."

The distant voice laughed. "Good call."

Th bouncer might have agreed not to hurt them but he did not apparently have a problem dragging them painfully to this "back room", a journey that required a flight of stairs, several hard door frames and being thrown at the end onto a bed that probably broke the Geneva Conventions for inhumane treatment.

"Sleep well, girls." The door closed and locked with all the subtlety of a bank vault.

Lethane started laughing uproariously.

Ravyn winced at the sound. The pain in his head was steadily getting worse. Multiple collisions on the trip here was apparently hastening the morning to come. "What in da Hell is so funneh?"


Ravyn shook his head. Life was easier right now with his eyes closed.

"Dis is why ah love dis bar!"

Ravyn sighed. "Leth...?"


"I hate you."

The big blue psychopath laughed again. "Tha's coo." Then he rolled over, cuddled up to Ravyn and passed out.

Bloodravyn been wrong before. NOW he was way outside his comfort level...


Zay B. Eve said...

Yeah, that's about right. Male Bonding, right?

erisraven said...

Male bonding... for two psychopaths. (shakes head) Yeah, they're male.