Tuesday, April 8, 2008

The Money Pit

Until this moment, Raven had never seen a man actually swim in money. Now, watching Lethane dive naked into a jacuzzi filled with stacks of green, he really never wanted to see it again.

"Do you have to do that?"

The blue marauder poked his head out of the tub and grinned ferally. "Oh Hell yeah I do!" He leaned back against the side of the cash pool and kicked his feet up, sending dead presidents scattering all around. "You should jump in. The money's nice and warm!"

"Oh, I don't think so." Raven started counting the next handful of bills, having saved at least a little of their ill-gotten gains from the swim-crazed fool and his tub o' currency.

"Awww, why not?" Lethane moved to the edge of the jacuzzi nearest him and leered. "Afraid you'll like it?"

He shook his head at the blue elf and kept counting. "No. I'm afraid you'll like it."

That got a laugh and a handful of twenties thrown at his head in a shower of green. "You wish! Come on," Lethane purred as he moved back to the middle of his little pond of avarice. "You can even keep your pants on, big guy." Then he laughed and went bottoms up.


Raven, glancing over at exactly the wrong time, got quite the view. "Can't... unsee... that!"

More laughter.

Raven looked away, keeping his eyes tightly closed. "I am trying to figure out how much of this we get to keep and how much we have to give to your contact. If you don't stop it, I'll never finish." He tried to blink away the image of blue elven ass, succeeding only in giving himself a headache.

"Mikey ain't coming over until tomorrow and it'll take a lot less time to count this stuff if I help."

Raven sighed. "You know what would also help get this done?"

Leth grinned and quipped, "You pulling that stick out of your butt and having a little fun for once?"

He clenched his fists, feeling the earth beneath him rumble in echo to his irritation. "No," Raven said with a growl. "You not taking half the loot and running yourself a trouble-bath!"

That earned him a mocking pout and made the tremors around him a little bit worse. No one got under his skin like this psychopathic long-ear. No one.

"Awww, calm down, Duck. Tell you what." Leth flipped over and lounged in the cash. "You come have a soak in here with me and after we're good and moneyed up, I'll come help you count. I'll even empty the jacuzzi and restack all the bills myself."

Raven released his grip slowly, the ground calming as he did so. "Promise?"

Lethane held up one claw-tipped hand. "Scout's honor."

He stared at the elf skeptically. "I sincerely doubt you were ever a scout."

The maniac's blue lips parted in a wicked, toothy grin. "I ate one once. Does that count?"

Raven's disgusted look was all the answer he felt like giving. After a long, intentional silence, he stood up and put the crumpled money in his hands on the table. "Fine. You win. But I am NOT getting naked."

Leth shrugged. "Suit yourself. It's your loss. But at least pretend you're swimming? The feel of moeny on your bare skin is so nice."

"Fine." Raven took a moment to strip out of his shirt and pants, leaving on his boxers. Lethane was a bizarre creature to be sure; he had no doubt that if given a chance, the elf would most certainly take advantage of a situation like this. Still, if a quick dip in the emerald tub would get the bastard to actually help around here, it was worth going this far.

He was pulling off his socks when the door burst in behind him and four heroes rushed in!

"Paragon City Patrol! Surrender or... what the gay hell is this?!?"

Raven just closed his eyes. If they were polite, they would just shoot him and put him out of his misery...